If you know me and/or with me and don’t want to read a story about my skivvies (G in nature I promise), I don’t recommend this read. If you know me and work with me and want to share a laugh, read on. If you don’t know me and want a good laugh: welcome!
Ok, so let me start off by saying (for those of you who don’t know me) I’m short. I’ve got short legs to go with the rest of my shortness and when you live in a place of fast walkers, you learn to either keep up or find the slow lane. I have chosen the former and get my cardio in during my morning commute as I keep up with everyone else’s east coast saunter. I love checking things off lists, so this is a great way to start my day.
Well, during the pandemic my mental health completely unraveled as unresolved issues & traumas had the chance to surface (trust me, there’s a reason behind this backstory — not just my ADHD over-explaining. Well, ok, maybe some of it.) Welcome back. So, I couldn’t run away from the things I needed to face and they came at me. Thankfully I have AN AMAZING therapist and support system both at home (virtual and in-person) and at work and EVERYONE showed up. They all showed me they valued me by looking at me at my worst and loving/accepting me in spite of it. (We’re getting closer folks). Anyway, I found that for my body, my chemical makeup, my history, eating certain things, and cutting out others, mixed with exercise helps me manage my mental health. As a result, my physical appearance adapted to these changes and my clothes have been getting looser. (Getting closer!)
I recently returned to work after a month and two-week-long medical leave and have been going into the office every day since my return, to help me transition back to work mode. It’s also helpful that folks at the office don’t want to sit on my lap; feel like I’m the only person available to provide snacks & entertainment and need me to “Look at this!” to see them jump off precariously stacked yoga blocks — making me breathe into a bag — every 5–10minutes.
(This is where I’m tying it in)
Well, on my second day back to work, I was dressed as comfy as I could, without looking like an easy Sunday morning. Content with the balance I’ve been finding, I start moving my little legs to keep up with the east coast saunter (speed walk). And it happened. Mid stride I felt my skivvies start to abandon ship. WHAT. I’m wearing a dress and I HAVE to keep walking or get trampled on. So, I shortened my stride. No dice. They had flashed a deuces sign and were peacing out. OH HELP. More people are returning to work and the once empty train station now trickled with a steady stream of people. There was no place for me to hike and secure. My short stride and I move up to a 1/8th tempo and book it as fast and as safely as I could, to the ladies' room of the train station. I had never felt so much relief as I did at that moment in the graffiti-laden stall.
Slinging my backpack on, I strategize on how to make the 12-minute walk to the office. Cautiously California striding my way out and back into the world, I continue my sojourn. So far, so good. I think I can keep out of the way of the locals and keep us all safe. Weeelll, my misbehaving knickers had other plans. I make my way towards the office when I feel them abandoning ship again. I’m out in the middle of the outdoors, with no cover. Maybe if I start walking faster, I can just get to the office quicker and park it. ABORT MISSION. ABORT MISSON. I slow it down and then I realize I have my fleece in my backpack and it has pockets and I can stick my hands in my pockets and discretely hold up my traitorous undergarments! HUZZAH! Now to implement my plan. Every move needed to be slow and methodical, because one false move and all of Causeway Street would come privy to the skivvy saga of 2021.
Finding a space to put my brilliant plan to work, I pulled off my backpack, fake stretched my back, and, leaning sideways, pulled out my fleece. Securely zipped up, dress, fleece, and backpack strategically placed, I reached into my pocket and fumble to find a strategic place to grasp my uncooperative unmentionables. Proud of my quick thinking, I continued my walk with both hands in my pockets holding up my dignity. Now, here’s the thing, the east coast has very fickle weather. I bring my fleece in because once the outside gets to temps above 60, the AC at work gets cranked up. I was hashtag blessed with a particularly humid day that day. I’m rounding the corner, approaching the cross street that takes me to the shortcut, that gets me to the parking lot, that gets me to my office, sweat stinging my eyes and giving me a whole slew of other issues, I just can’t get into. I could wipe the sweat teaming into my eyeballs but the realization that I didn’t have a wall I could lean on to hold up the double-crossing delicates, I knew I’d have to soldier on. I do my best to wipe my eyes on my fleece and rapidly blink, making me feel like I was “at the club,” and like a lighthouse to a ship in a storm, I see my office building. Even better, the knowledge of the elevator where I could hike things back to where they needed to be.
It is always delightful to see the Vice Chair of my department. Today. Well today, my eyeballs started shaking in disblief at the series of events of that morning. “Little warmer out today, isn’t it?” he asks. With sweat streaming down the side of my face, I nervously laugh and joke that I’m part Californian and part Colombian so it’s all cold to me. The elevator ride up those 5 floors was as long as it feels when you try to plank for 10 seconds. A lifetime. We walk in together, so now I feel like I should continue our parallel walk (his office is near me). He wishes me a good day and I mask squint smile. Finally. I’m alone. I mean, I’ve been alone in this space throughout the pandemic.
Now you must know where this is going. A stream of people walking by saying hi, pointing out my Californian-ness with my fleece on. I laugh, sweat pouring down, nervously leaning on my desk as I had lost my grip. Not the literal one, the actual one. There’s a break in the stream, I grab hold tight and run to the ladies' room. SWEET RELIEF wafts over me as I hike up my defecting bloomers. I unzip my fleece, wipe the sweat off my forehead and make a note to myself not to raise my arms for a while. I put my mask back on, give everything one more hike, and strategically placing my fleece over my white-knuckled hand, I walk to my desk. Thankfully, today was a sitting day. I mean, I could have walked over to Macy’s, but the thought of that made me shudder in fear. I parked it for the day and went about checking off items from my list.
My takeaways from the day:
My body has adjusted to the changes I’ve made more than I had realized.
I need more trustworthy knickers.
